Psalm 139

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

This Psalm has been on my heart for awhile now, especially the verses "you know me" and "you created my inmost being." Those two have been stuck in my head like lyrics to a song. In my head however, I combined them: "You know my inmost being."

In an unfamiliar place, it is so easy for me to pretend to be someone I am not so I can feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. But God has been reminding me over and over again, "I know you, Elise. I made you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't forget that. Don't forget that I love you and that I created you for a greater purpose than conformity of this world. I know your inmost being." God doesn't want a new version of me. He doesn't want me to lose sight of Him and who He created me to be. He loves me the way I am cause he created me!

He knows my inmost being...and He still loves me. 

This is Home

First off I would like to apologize for not writing in six months! That is such a long time and I do sincerely apologize. My brain has been buzzing with fantastical things to share and yet I still have to search for the right words to say. All in due time, I suppose. Secondly, I would like to make a confession. I am writing this instead of working on two reflections due Friday. I guess I love you all more than homework ;)

Since the day I left Santa Barbara and began settling into new life at Seattle Pacific University (SPU), many of you began asking me the infamous question "How is SPU?!" First to clear any confusion, I would like to say that this post was not made to discourage any future conversations centered around this question. In fact, I encourage you to continue to ask me this question throughout my college years. SO HOW IS SPU?!!?!?!?! In one word. Home. SPU is home.

If you had asked me my thoughts on college prior to my current experience, I would not have associated college with home. Home is Santa Barbara. Home is where the surf is, where the weather is almost always between 60 and 70 degrees, where Mexican food is authentic, and where basically everything is provided for me. Home is comfortable and familiar. If you had asked me I would not have said home is Seattle Pacific University.

I was, to be honest, not comfortable with moving to Seattle. I was not comfortable with moving to Seattle because I was too comfortable with staying in Santa Barbara. I was well grounded in my community, my family, and my church and leaving would be completely unbearable. I was afraid that I would not find an equivalent (or as close as can be equivalents) to the three most important things in my life. I definitely did not trust that the God of the universe, who blessed me with an indescribable family (I actually do not have words to describe how wonderful my family is), a loving community, and healthy church, was going to bless me in new and profound ways. I often forget that God has poured out, is pouring out, and will always pour out his great and many blessings.

Seattle, the city I hardly know is home. Seattle Pacific University, the school I have known for three weeks is home. This is home. From the moment I moved into my dorm, met my roommate, left my parents, and began engaging in SPU culture I knew I had made the right decision. Any doubts, fears, discontentment, and discouragement in the weeks prior to my big move, immediately dissipated and I was filled with comfort, contentment, excitement, and hope. It became so clear to me that God had always been with me. All He wanted was for me to trust Him.

So, How is SPU?!?! To actually answer the "how" part of the question, SPU is absolutely wonderful and I am so excited to be here and be a part of something so unfamiliar to me. I am excited to see where God leads me this year and in the years to come.

Much love to all of you.


Note: Just because I have found a new home does not mean that I have completely moved on from my first home. Santa Barbarians (and non-Santa Barbarians!!) please write, call, text, email, Facebook, skype, VISIT, etc. me. I MISS YOU ALL. And I wish you could all be here with me during this new chapter.